RTFC Update!!! - 26/04/04

Romford Town Official Website

What's going on with the club then? Eh? Eh?

Romford Town FC were today celebrating the glorious return of summer weather as a scorcher hit Essex in a fantastical weekend of weather. Players and fans alike were spotted lapping up the sunshine or 'catching some rays' this weekend as they did their normal rounds.

Murrell had this to say, "Yeah, I spent Saturday in the office, I think the rest of team were sunbathing or walking around outside in the sunshine or maybe even just indoors. I don't really care. Don't even know why you're asking me?"

The Sun. No-one lives there.

In other news Director of Football, Chris Jones, published word that he had received the glorious RTFC kit from suppliers and the team would be ready to wear it in their next match, but this was soon replaced with speculation as it was discovered the kit was too big.

After fierce discussion in the RTFC boardroom, club officials emerged to say that due to the mix up the club would have to wait another week before they would be wearing their own kit and will continue to wear the Unix kit until that time.

When asked about the discussion Jones commented, "At the end of the day we don't want to be running around in what look like bed sheets all season, we want a kit that fits the players and a kit that they can be comfortable in. We only have to wait one more game and then we're away, everything will be in place and perfect."

Other news today found the club in realisation that although the club have a player profile on him, he actually isn't in the team and never has been. We are, of course, talking about Luke Brampton who was initially planned to be a major part of the club in the first team.

In a shock revelation before any matches even took place Brampton quit his role within the club to persue a career in vibrating shoulder dancing. Seriously though, no real reason was given to the club for this early departure and although a shame, the club has no hard feelings and wishes Luke every vibrating success. Blow out.

Making a cartoon about it took it a little too far

Finally in the news this week, Peter Clayton has been shunned by RTFC players for the no-show at their last game when Clayton was due to be present, but never turned up. Revelations that Clayton was lost, never even left the house, doesn't even know what football is were all cast aside to make way for the impending game for which Clayton has signified that he will attend. Earlier today he had this to say in his defence, "I really did get lost and it pissed me the fuck off. People missed me I know, that's how great I am, but I will be there at the next game. I have made arrangements with Murrell to be there against Jonesy FC."

Retorting, Murrell gave this statement, "No you ain't Clayton you fuckin' lying bastard! Not really, I spoke to Pete today and he will be there. He wants to drive round to mine or Jonesies and get picked up by Dogs. It can't fail, and finally the players will be getting their half-time oranges, already lit fags and pints of lager so they can go into the second half fresh as daisy's. And, of course, we have the half-time show to look forward to."

If you wish to discuss the Clayton subject more, or any of the other subjects you have seen in this report, then please goto the forum to have your voice heard.